I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
