What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
