One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
