a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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