stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
