just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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