Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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