You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
