Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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