I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
