How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
