when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
