im drinking this country out of the recession.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
