Sober January is a disaster.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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