This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I could make wine with my vomit
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
