So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
