you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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