we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
