Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
