I must be too annoying 4 u.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
