now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
