I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Mom said you looked used
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
