That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize