shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I lost the right to judge tonight
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