Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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