A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
