Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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