using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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