hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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