somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
