Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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