just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
