Don't make out with my wife yet
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
