Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
