How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
