We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am naked and annoyed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
