I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
