all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
