when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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