last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize