Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
