I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
