i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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