shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize