i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your penis caused this!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
