I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
