and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
