yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
