You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
