i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
