I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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