Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
