Michael Bay diarrhea
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
