just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
