my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
