I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize