my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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