If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
