I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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