i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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