Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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