You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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