Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
