Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
