why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
