if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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