I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
