You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
