Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
