He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize