Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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