it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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